Try It On For Size

Title: Try It On For Size
Author: Anonymous
Pairing: Erik/Charles
Rating: So NC-17 it's ridiculous

For the prompt: "Michael's cock is HUGE. He needs to apply for planning permission before he gets hard; if he was Scottish it would be known as The Cockness Monster as it is, he's Irish, and it's only used as evidence that St. Patrick didn't drive ALL the snakes out of Ireland. Michael's cock is so BIG that if you drew a picture of the universe to illustrate how MASSIVE it is - your picture would look like Michael's cock. James wants Michael to fuck him but he's intimidated by the size of Michael's cock as he knows he can barely take half of it in his mouth without choking. So Michael takes his time lubing and stretching James out."

BWAHAHAHAHA so I read this and thought, OMG YES THIS IS THE MOST AMAZING PROMPT EVER IT HITS MY SIZE KINK URGH. And then the author goes and keeps to the snarky hilarious tone of the prompt while somehow still making it scorching, I mean honestly throughout the whole fic I was literally cracking up and burning up in turns. The UST is amazing, the actual sex is fabulous, and oh my god Kevin Bacon has the best comments ever. To give you an idea of how much WIN this fic is made of (and at the danger of quoting the entire fic):

“It's like...it's trying to push a camel through the eye of a needle.” James feels mildly pleased with that.

Bacon is unimpressed. “In this scenario, the eye of the needle is supposed to be your ass, right?”

And

“Michael.” Bacon nods at him, watching him walk away before he glances at James. “Kid, I don't know what you're doing, but you really ought to stop thinking with your brain and let your ass take over.”

And

Michael follows his gesture down to his crotch. “You're afraid...of my cock.”

And

“Only half.” James muses. “You're also German. You could invade Poland with that.” Oh, god, now he's going to have nightmares about that. He can just imagine Michael's cock dressed up in a little uniform. He needs a drink. Or to possibly have his head examined. It's hard to decide which.

(Okay, so warning about WWII jokes, but seriously, the mental image of Michael's cock in a uniform)

And

“Well, for example, the other night,” James swallows, “it turned up in my dream as...a submarine.”

“Really, now that's...impressive.” Michael looks suitably impressed with his own manifestation in James's subconscious.

And, and, and DO YOU SEE WHY I LOVE THIS, FIC, DO YOU.